Motherhood Truth #4 Victories and Heart Attacks

I recently had my sister come to stay to help me while I worked. One day, whilst I was in the office, she sent me a picture of my sleeping son, and told me how great it felt to have finally managed to get him off to sleep. She said, "Victory! It must feel great being a Mum". Also that week, Isaac showed Jess how he loves to stand with the french doors open to our Juliet balcony, lean against the glass and wave to people who pass by. If you catch the light right, it looks like there isn't glass there at all. And then your stomach lurches, and you have to remind yourself that he is actually very safe. I told Jess then that motherhood is made up of giant victories and little heart attacks.

Since then, I have had so many experiences which have confirmed that to me. It's so true!
SO many times, I feel like being a mother has taken years off my life, as I launch myself here there and everywhere to grab the scissors or break a fall, stop the door from slamming...... you parents out there will know how it is. You find yourself doing 24/7 risk assessments and yet, you still miss things. And there are times when your heart lurch, your stomach churns as you pre-empt or watch, helpless, as catastrophes unfold. Often, I've thought to myself "I'm not cut out for this mothering lark". But then, the heart attacks are somehow outweighed by the tiny but huge victories that motherhood brings.

Over the summer, we stayed with my parent's in law at the same time as my husband's brother and his family. Isaac and Megan got to spend lots of time with each other.

Megan was potty training at the time, and, when Megan did a wee in the potty for the first time at Grandma's house, we all jumped and gave Megan big hugs. Isaac joined in too and was very excited. That reminded me of just how unique and amazing the experience of parenthood is. It may seem strange to be so excited about someone doing a wee in a plastic bowl, yet, it really is SO exciting. It's beautiful to be part of a journey that brings you back to the amazing simplicities of life...how amazing it is to be in a position to teach your child, to nurture them and watch them grow. To us, who use a toilet several times a day, it's no big deal. But, to a child who never has, or who struggles to take that step from nappies to pants, potty to toilet, or cot to bed, or bottle to cup, or dummy to no dummy, or Mumma to Mummy, crawling to walking, smiling to laughing....
it is INCREDIBLE- absolutely incredible.

I feel so blessed to be on this journey with Isaac. He helps me to remember all the tiny things about life that are amazing and SHOULD be celebrated by excited jumps, shrieks and hugs of praise. I'm so grateful that my heart ache over Isaac slipping over on a magazine, slipping in the bath, or grabbing a pair of scissors is eclipsed by my pride as he says his prayers, or says sorry without being asked or, most especially when he comes over to me, pats my leg and says "Mum! Did it! Yay!" to remind me that he's done something that requires some enthusiastic clapping and cheering. I'm always surprised by how genuine my joy is when these things happen. I really, really feel it. It reminds me of just how exquisite motherhood is, and how much I absolutely love it.