"...Ye have done it unto me." Matthew 25:40

There is something that I have been thinking about for a couple of weeks now, and that is how much love I have felt from those around me, and the effect it has had on me, my sense of self and my feelings towards others. I've allowed my situation to be a sort of study that I am learning from all the time.

Doing things for other people, I think, is one of the most important reasons to be alive. It is the most powerful tool for expressing and receiving love, building relationships and letting joy into your life. It's a principle I was taught as a child, nurtured through my life and is something that is now very important to me.

On Sunday, during a lesson, I was reminded of an experience Ieuan and I had at Christmas time whilst on a date to the Bath Christmas markets. We bought a hotdog for a homeless man we saw sitting outside in the rain. He wasn't able to eat it due to severe health problems, but told us he had a friend who would be really grateful. As we were leaving he said "God Bless". Ieuan and I reflected on the fact that any time we've done anything like that, it's been met with the very same response, regardless of where we have been, who we've been talking to. The response is the same. "God Bless". I thought that perhaps it was a sweet reminder from above of WHO else we are showing love to when we perform small acts of kindness.

In the Bible, Jesus taught his disciples that when they served even the lowest in society, they were serving him.

Over the last two weeks particularly, I have been on the receiving end of the most tender, thoughtful kindness I have ever experienced. First it came at the hands of my family...my Dad who drove all the way down to Trowbridge to pick me up for the week. My Mum who ran around and looked after Isaac, cooked my favourite meals, got up in the night, got up with Isaac in the morning...... My brother and sister, with their unfailing energy and love for Isaac, playing with him and making him happy constantly. And then, my precious sister Jessica, who is always there for me, always making me feel special and empowered. I am not joking when I say she spent 2 or 3 evenings sitting on the floor either massaging or shaving my legs, massaging my feet, painting my toenails, rubbing my back, massaging my bump... she was so willing to do whatever would bring me relief and comfort. And then, the night I was away, she  put my son to bed and slept beside him (and underneath him at times) so he wouldn't be alone.

It was during this time that I began to feel like my life was changing because of this kindness. I felt humbled in one sense and tremendously important in another sense. I felt a strong desire to do all I could for the people around me and to be more observant to their needs. I learnt how to say yes to help, rather than be reluctant to accept it, and I am learning how to deal with an awesome feeling of gratitude that I am finding very difficult to express adequately.

At the weekend, I ended up spending a night in hospital because we thought the baby was coming and the doctors advised me to call my husband, who was in the middle of his final year project. He dropped everything to come up. In his own words he said "You are my number one priority and you need me. I'll be there." You may think that, as he is my husband, you'd expect nothing less, but I felt so full of gratitude. He works so hard and the work he is doing is very important and has significant, long-term implications. Coming up to be with me in a hospital 4 hours away even though HE KNEW I might not actually be in labour was a tremendous sacrifice for him, and I was very touched that he felt as strongly about it as he did. He didn't make that choice because he knew that's what was expected of him. He didn't make that choice because he thought he might get a bit of extra time on the project due to mitigating circumstances. He made that decision out of love, compassion, loyalty and a strong sense of duty towards me.

Now, it is 2 weeks until our baby is due to arrive by C Section. I don't know that I will make it to that date, but in the interim, my friends in Trowbridge have me well looked after until my Mum arrives in 10 days or so. I have had friends come and take Isaac out for me, as that's something I struggle to do. That beached whale feeling really stops me in my tracks sometimes and makes it hard to be the Mum I want to be for my son. It's hard to allow other people in to do those things for you. It's hard to accept that your son is more excited to be at someone else's house than your own, but it's also wonderful to see him have such a wonderful time with friends. They are giving Isaac the kind of energy and fun that I can't give him right now and that is so, so kind.

I also had a friend who texted to say she was sending her husband around to collect our laundry, so I didn't have to worry about doing that on top of everything else. "Give him everything" the message said. As I read those words, tears welled up in my eyes. It felt like arms reaching out and hugging me. Here were my friends, good people with busy lives and children of their own collecting ALL my dirty laundry to easy MY burdens. THAT is humbling. It's hard to feel deserving of that. But it's not hard to feel a tremendous sense of gratitude. This sense increased and began to make my heart full to bursting later on in the evening when meals arrived for us, and a rota was set up for next week full of dear friends who were signing up to take Isaac out or make us dinner, so Ieuan can work and I can rest.
  I feet incredibly humbled by it...a feeling that so many are doing so much for little me over here. Gratitude is a funny thing. I feel utterly restricted by the words in our vernacular- like no combination of words could ever express to these precious friends how much I love them, or how grateful I am to them.
In my introspections on this subject, something I have felt very keenly is not only the love of my dear friends, but also the love of my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, who, of course, spent his life giving to others, washing feet, drying tears, lifting spirits, healing heartache.
How powerful it is to be the instrument through which other people can feel the love that God has for THEM.  I will never forget what they have done for me, or how loved they have made me feel. I will also never forget the love I feel from above.

"Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these...ye have done it unto me." Matt 25:40

Motherhood Truth #6 Somehow, you just DO.

I've not blogged much recently...must be something to do with the enormous baby I'm growing and the enormous cheeky monkey I'm chasing around each day. My life has been full and rich. and it's given me plenty to write about.

When I was pregnant with Isaac, I suffered with a life threatening emergency when I was about 24 weeks pregnant. It was a really challenging time and for the rest of the pregnancy, I was very tired and I think my body was too. Despite this, I loved being pregnant. I had a big all-out-in-front bump, and I felt beautiful.

This time around, I was surprised by how well I could feel!! HOWEVER. I had not bargained for the challenge of running around after a busy little 2 yr old fireman/helicopter pilot/sailor/builder all day.
Whilst my health is tip top this time around, my body is struggling a little more. I have something called SPD. It affects the joints in your pelvis. For me, the area most effected is the joints in the base of my back. It makes everything hard. Even just 30 seconds bent over to do up Isaac's straps in the pram will make my entire day painful. Things have improved a lot over the last couple of days with crutches and stronger painkillers. This complete and absolute necessity to slow down has made me take a hard look at my day to day life,
Here's what I think.

I am incredible.

Mums are incredible.

Before I had crutches, I hobbled around everyday, doing everything I usually do, but in a lot of pain. Now I have something I can use for support, I think to myself "How on earth did I do it." The answer? Sometimes you just DO. We might not like it, but we do it. That's healthy, I think.

Motherhood is the most intense experience of my life. I feel like I've got my fingers in a million pies. My head is constantly on the go. It's not just thinking about dinner, or the washing, it's thinking about the baby, it's thinking about what book to read to Isaac today, how much Fireman Sam he can watch, what on earth we can do about his little tantrums...it's thinking about how much I love him, how I can be a better mother, what I can do to help my Husband with his work.....and, if I'm lucky, it's planning a time when I can put on some make-up...
The demands on our thoughts are never ending, let alone our physical commitments, and any physical/emotional challenges we are facing.

How do we do it. Sometimes, we just DO. It goes against all logic! But we have to, and I think it's pretty cool.

When Isaac injured his finger last year, I was at the hospital every other day getting his dressings changed. I was at the big hospital every other week about his fractured leg. I was also dealing with morning sickness. You know, I had moments during that month where I felt like the worst mother ever. I also had moments where I felt like a superhero. I look back now and I think "How did I do it?" Well, you can see where this is going.

I believe God allows our lives to be hard sometimes, because he loves us. Because, whilst he hurts when we hurt, he must be overjoyed when we triumph, and thrilled when we turn to him for help. Imagine how he feels when we realise just how amazing we are- how capable we are.

My findings on this particular motherhood truth have made me realise that maybe we just DO because maybe, just maybe, we just ARE.

We ARE amazing.

 Nothing has taught me that more than being a mother and a wife, and feeling so much love for Isaac and Ieuan, and feeling so much love from them. When I do something that makes Isaac happy, or that he loves, he'll just up and kiss me. And I feel special. I feel like a good Mummy. (see below, our cinema trip on Saturday morning.... the "Uuuuuuuuge television" was a Uuuuuuuge hit)

 I know I am a child of God. I'm grateful that he has given me qualities that help me to cope at difficult times...because those difficult times help me to realise just how special I am.