Just a Mummy.

Edit: I didn't imagine I would have to write a disclaimer in this blog post, but given all the comments I have received, I will do so, just in case you read this and think that I, in any way hate women who choose to work instead of having children, women who cannot have children, or women who have children but work instead of staying at home with them. I do not, and have tremendous admiration for any woman acting in the way she feels she needs to. I know and appreciate how hard that can be. I am thankful to be a mother. This blog post is not about me taking offence at something petty, if you'll read, you will see there was no offence taken. It is about a realisation I have had as a result of an experience, where I realised that we are all guilty of undermining motherhood. So. In short. I love and admire women. I don't think we should belittle each other. Here is why, for me, motherhood is the greatest thing I could have ever done with my life.

I think I consider myself to be a feminist....in the traditional, original sense of the word. I am a feminist, if feminism means equal rights and opportunities for both women and men. And, most importantly, I am a feminist if feminism protects a woman's right to choose who she wants to be...whether that person is a nuclear physicist, a nurse, a footballer or a mother. Or all four.

I usually steer well clear from controversy because my cheeks go all red with hot flushes during any kind of contention. And if you know me, you'll know I have ample cheeks, which equals a lot of redness. 
So. 
Here goes.
What I'm about to say shouldn't be controversial (I've just had to take a break to take my poorly little girl for an unexpected nap), so hopefully my comments will be taken in the spirit they are meant. I have recently seen on social media a type of rhetoric that seems to undermine womanhood and motherhood, often by people who say they fly the flag of feminism, (though clearly they don't fully). I do not suppose in what I say that everyone feels this way, but I have seen it with my own eyes, so I know it exists, and I want to address this today.

I can't remember if I've mentioned it before, but I once had a conversation with an insurance company, who were asking about my occupation. The words they used were "Do you work, or are you just a Mum"? Now, there's nothing wrong with that question. We all do it. We all put the words 'just' and 'mum' in the same sentence. This blog is about why, in the current climate of rampant feminism, where we're all fighting for a person's right to choose what they want to do with their lives, that it's the wrong thing to say. 

I am an historian by education. I remember a time in my life where I wanted to be a cardio-thoracic surgeon too. I've wanted to be a midwife, a teacher, a university professor, a translator, a genealogist, a counsellor and a researcher. In real life, I have been an historian. I have worked as an archivist and tour guide at an aviation museum, and a researcher and tour guide at a museum of American history, where I had an article published in their journal. I had a brief spell teaching home education groups. I have also worked in bookkeeping and accounts. 

This is me, 6 months pregnant at the museum I worked at.

Instead of pursuing any of those things full time, I am a mother. Perhaps, you might have put the word "just" in there. 

Go ahead.

Instead of being Dr Guy, historian and university lecturer, which I could have almost been by now, I have JUST chosen to grow a child inside me. Through more hard work, effort and pain that the English vernacular could possibly describe, that child came out of me. 

I have nursed and nurtured that child with my own body, and I teach it every day. Each day, I awake with the knowledge that that child's life is in my hands. I'm the one who is meant to keep them healthy and happy. I am the one who bandages sore bits, I am the one who dries tears, and hugs bruised egos, and sorry souls. 

I am the one who teaches them to pray to their father in heaven. They look to me for reassurance, for help, for laughter and joy. I teach them the alphabet, how to write their name, how to say sorry, and how to say thank you. I teach them to marvel in the world around them. I teach them to love others, be a good friend, and to share.

I endure heartache. I endure screaming, and the odd flying fist every so often. I endure occasionally being thought of as the worst woman in the world. The worst insult that could be hurled at me is "Mummy, you are NOT my hero today". You know what that implies though? That as well as all these other things, I am their hero. One day, my children (because I actually have two at the moment and hope to have many more) will grow up. They will have jobs, they may have spouses, and children. They will be functioning adults who will bless and touch others' lives, and all of that potential success and achievement will be, in part, down to me. Just their Mummy. 
As well as all of this, I have occasionally, endured the scorn of those who think I should be doing something more with my life, as if it's possible for me, personally, to be doing something more important than this. 

So, go on, say it. I'm just a mother. JUST. A. Mother.

just

dʒʌst/

Simply; only; no more than.

"just a bad day at the office".

Synonyms: only, merely, simply, nothing more than.

Only a mother? Merely a mother? Simply a mother? NOTHING MORE THAN A MOTHER?

Are you serious?

Is there anything more than being a mother? Is there any experience more immersive, more frustrating, more life changing, more love inducing, more rewarding, more messy, more beautiful, more heavenly, more heartwarming, heartbreaking, heartmaking, heartbursting, than being a mother? I don't think so.

I know my choices are not the same as another's might be. But, do me a favour. Please don't presume that being a mother is somehow less than anything else a woman might choose or hope to be. Of all the things I have done, or have dreamt I might do, motherhood is the best choice I've ever made. There is no job more important than teaching, loving and raising my children. They are my best and proudest achievement. I love them, for the tiny people they are. My heart soars more when I hear them apologise to each other, more than it did for any first I got in a university assignment, and when I see them express their love for each other, realising they've learnt to be that way from watching my husband and I, my heart bursts with such pride for them, that far outweighs the pride I felt at seeing my name in print next to the article I'd researched and written over two years. 

 

Mummyhood is a badge I wear with pride, and great humility (I don't believe they are mutually exclusive).

I wish the letters next to my name were - Rachel Guy, Mummy, because my children are the sum of my greatest achievements.

(Don't mind us. We're just having great fun over here 'just' being a family. The most important institution on the planet. ;)