Motherhood Truth #3- Be the Change

I have recently learned so much on my quest to be the best mother I can be. 

This is a picture of me and Daddy. This picture came to mind when I was pondering my motherhood truth 'Be the Change'. 

As a teenager, if something bothered me, my Dad would tell me to get off my backside and do something about it....in as many words. He always encourages me get up and go, even on days where my get-up-and-go well and truly got-up-and-left. Dad's no-nonsense attitude has transformed my life and become so much part of who I am that I often wonder how I would have developed without his tutelage. As such, I now think this way for myself, even if, often, it comes in the guise of my Daddy's voice in my mind. 

It is no great secret that motherhood can be hard. Sometimes, I feel tears prick my eyes and I feel that overwhelming desire to be the martyr of my own cause. I feel, innate in my character, is a desire to compete in the emotional athletic events of whose life is hardest, who has done more, worked harder, is most tired...yaddah yaddah yaddah. This may seem unlike me (I hope it does). The reason for that is simple. I hate that about myself, so I do all I can to NOT be that person. Some days, it never leaves the confines of my head, but occasionally, Ieuan will say to me "Darling, no one of us is more tired than the other. It's not a competition." And I realise that my thoughts slipped out through my mouth. Pesky critters. 

Anyway. On my constant quest of self improvement, I have come to truly treasure the concept that if you want to see change, you need to be that change. If you are dissatisfied, BE satisfied. So much of life is made up of simple choices that we choose to complicate...

Another lesson from Dad that illustrates this is as follows.... I remember, as a child, occasions where I wasn't as obedient as I should have been. In efforts to explain why I hadn't yet roused myself to the task I had been called to, my Dad would often tell me he wasn't interested in my excuses. I would often say "I'm sorry I didn't do what you said BUT...." and Dad would say to me "If you're really sorry, you wouldn't follow it with IF or BUT." At the time, I thought my reasons would provide me with mitigating circumstances, but more often than not, they genuinely didn't take away from the fact that I had actually been disobedient. So it is with life. The older I get, the more I am seeing how true that is. SO often, the circumstances of our lives are peppered with Ifs and Buts, as we feebly try to excuse why are lives are not exactly as we would have them be. Another thing I have learnt as I have grown is how much power I have to make my life amazing- to make it exquisite. 

Zooming back in now, I'd like to revisit motherhood, and my experience of it. Whilst I can make my life amazing, that does not change that there are moments of every day which are not amazing. The other night, I learnt from Isaac that kisses really do make everything a whole lot better. I was looking forward to an evening with Ieuan, some light reading etc. I had well and truly tired Isaac out and I was certain he would go to sleep quickly. He did not. Everytime he stood up and grumbled at me, I felt more frustration, as he seemed more awake than ever.
"I'm missing dinner". I thought. I could hear everyone laughing and eating and I dipped my toe into the mire of self pity as I reflected upon how many meal times I had missed that week. My toe acclimatised quite quickly, so my whole foot went in. "Goodness....I've got so much work to do this evening too. Bye-bye ME time."

Isaac continued to stand up and grumble. Something made me pull my foot out, shake it off, and listen. Clearly Isaac wanted something. Swallowing the huff that was rising from my lungs, and putting a smile on my face (another Dad thing) I went to him to find out what he wanted. 

He pointed to his chin and said "A Kiss". 

Throughout that night, he slept fitfully, and each time he grumbled, he would be pointing to his chin and asking for another kiss.

I don't know what his exact discomfort was, but knowing that he felt kisses would make it better warmed my heart and dried up that mire of self pity. I realised just how important it is to be responsible for quashing our own negativity, and to be responsible for our own happiness. Isaac knew what he needed to be happy. I, on the other hand, almost missed a precious opportunity to indulge in the exquisiteness of motherhood- something that makes me happy. Had I not stopped moping around, had I not literally gotten off of my backside, I would have completely missed it. And that makes me wonder...what else do I miss by wallowing in self pity? What moments pass me by when I buy into this desire to be a victim of my circumstances? 

Would I miss out on my child? On my husband? I know a desire to compete with each other...being intent on being seen to others as self-sacrificing, indulging constantly in negativity and busyness, has the potential to drive a real wedge between you and those you love most. During Family Home Evening the other night, my mother in law taught a lesson based on the premise of "Complete rather than Compete". If we focused more on completing others, especially our significant others...if we focused on their needs, and offered more kisses, more time, more understanding of THEIR sacrifices and THEIR hardships, I can guarantee that we'd have little to no time to dwell upon our own. I'm looking forward to being a better mother and wife. 

And I'm really looking forward to more kisses.